late-night american.

helioscentrifuge:

runtime-err0r:

itsvondell:

you can take one man’s trash to another man’s treasure but you can’t make it drink

Fun fact: the blending of idioms or cliches is called a malaphor.

My personal favorite is “We’ll burn that bridge when we get to it.”

I looked it up b/c that was a very familiar idiom and how could it be wrong but then

image

yeah wow that’s spot on perfect

apollojustlce:

hanging out with your best friend more like

image

v-for-valkyr:

stinkmits:

the assassination of Julius Caesar  

i’VE N EVER FELT SO COMPELLED TO REBLOG THIS UN TIL THAT FUC KI GN CAPT I O N

v-for-valkyr:

stinkmits:

the assassination of Julius Caesar  

i’VE N EVER FELT SO COMPELLED TO REBLOG THIS UN TIL THAT FUC KI GN CAPT I O N

a special message for a very special someone

thestoutorialist:

averypottermormon:

image

hey

image

you

image

dont you dare think

image

for even a second

image

that nobody saw you

image

when you decided this waS AN ACCEPTABLE WAY TO PARK YOUR VEHICLE BECAUSE I SAW IT OKAY I FUCKING SAW IT YOUR CRAPPY PARKING JOB IS ON GOOGLE MAPS IN FRONT OF THE ENTIRE WORLD

how did you find this

CONSTANT VIGILANCE

(Source: maximumbuttitude)

mrsherlockh:

I HAVE BEEN LAUGHING TOO LONG

mrsherlockh:

I HAVE BEEN LAUGHING TOO LONG

rinface:

sammylumpkins:

I love them. 

HAHA WHY YOU MAKE ME LAUGH!

OH MY GOD THE DBZ REFERENCE IN THAT LAST ONE O.O

what-the-fuck-is-wrong-with-kise:

dangerhamster:

Rubeus Remus Potter. You were named after the only two people at Hogwarts who seemed to give shit about me, because come on who else would I name you after? A verbally abusive dickbag who was in love with my mum and gave me shit all my life and someone who convinced a bunch of children that they needed to be soldiers? What kind of awful aspirations would that make you end up having? Come on son I’m not an idiot…

#bless this post

minxiekitten:

raubbenhood:

Disneyworld needs to make a rollercoaster based off of the ride Yzma and Kronk take to the lair. When the ride starts, Yzma’s voice yells “pull the lever, Kronk!” and the ride starts to move backwards so she yells “wrong lever!” and it shoots you forward.

WHY IS THIS NOT HAPPENING?!